I Could Take Her

As you may, or may not be aware, my friends and I like to take random trips together. This last weekend we embarked on the open road; destination: Pocatello, Idaho. Lindsey booked us a sweet room at the local Marriott (she gets great deals because she works for a Marriott in South Jordan - so we have good reason to keep her around.) Many may beg the question why in the world would we go to this forsaken hell hole? Well, we had good reason: we wanted to see Heather in a leotard. Heather is a trained powerlifter, and competes in local and out-of-state competitions. She is actually very good. Allow me to describe exactly what a powerlifting competition emcompasses. You walk into an open gym/room that is filled with the aroma of stale sweat and old socks. There are chairs for spectators set up at the far end of the gym. On the far left wall, there is an announcing table, complete with three women who inform you of who's up next, who's on deck, and who's in the hole. In the front center of the gym there is a mat where all the action takes place. There are three different competitions that these powerlifters are competing in: squats, bench press, and dead lift. This is how a typical set goes. Commentator: "Up next is Helga Uchenvot for the dead lift. Helga is attempting to set an Idaho State record by lifting 445 pounds." Helga struts over to the center mat sporting a leotard that I am positive is cutting off her circulation, a worn in leather belt that is three prongs too tight, and chalk smeared over all remaining uncovered flesh. She stands in front of the weight bar that is lying unsuspecting on the floor. On either end there are massive weights that the gym crew just finished putting on. Helga looks to the sky and raises both arms like Moses. She yells out an unintelligable phrase in her native tongue (the onlooking crowd is frightened at this point), then proceeds to bend the upper half of her bulky body to ground where the bar lays. She puts two hands on the bar, holds her breath, and then finally lifts. She pulls the bar a foot off the ground; then another inch higher, and another. Her body continues to struggle to get the weight completely up. She then lets out one final cry, and distorts her red face in a way you didn't think possible and lifts with all her might until her shoulders are completely back. She drops the weight immediately; and the task is accomplished. She grunts aloud once more in victory. This is a reason why us common, regular-strengthed folk are slightly terrified at these competitions. Anyway, Heather did awesome in her competitions. She benched 140 pounds, and dead lifted 305 pounds. She walked away with first place in her weight her division! Oh, and she also won a case of a mystery drink shown in the photo below. All in all it was a very fun trip - and I beat Heather up. Twice. So I wonder who the real champion is...